Daymare o_O

Before I say anything else...I'm BA-ACK! =D Camp was great and I had tons of fun.=P I'll blog more about that another time. For now, I want to talk about my weird, weird daymare, cause it's not nighttime yet (only 6.30 pm) and technically it can't be a nightmare, but anyway.

I was really tired after camp, what with only 8 hours of sleep every night, as compared to my customary 12 hours. So today after coming home from shopping today I collapsed on the couch and went to sleep.

There was an article in Reader's Digest a couple months ago about lucid dreaming, which unknowingly, I've been doing all the time. It's a state of mind where you are conscious in your sleep. I like to call it the twilight zone.=D When you are drifting between wakefulness and sleep, you can pick what you're going to dream about. Amazing isn't it? I didn't know what was it called then, but I've been doing this since I was young to ward off nightmares.

It didn't work for me today.

When I'm in the 'twilight zone' I can't move, unless I will myself very hard to, then I jerk into complete conciousness. In the twilight zone can hear my surroundings, feel the bed I'm sleeping on, but I can't really control my body, yet I can think. It's complicated. Today, as I was picking a topic to dream about, someone started whispering in my ear. To my utmost horror, it was the little girl I used to dream, or rather, have nightmares about.

So I opened my eyes, which was supposed to wake me up completely. I saw my mom sleeping on the couch across of me, and I heard the lawnmower roaring it's way across the lawn. The terrible thing was, I could hear the girl whispering in my ear all this while. I couldn't make her go away. I felt something pressing down on me and I tried to sit up, then I started drifting in and out of conciousness. One second I could hear the lawnmower and see my mom, the next second I could only see the girl and hear her whispering in my ear. Creepy.

I never realised that if I could take reality into my dreams, I could probably turn my dreams, or nightmares into reality too. The brain is a complicated thing.

Gotta go now, I'll finish this blog post later. Pray for my safety for now. =O

Update: I'm back! =D

Anyway, I see Yap's back from goodness-knows-where and has already commented, so nyeh to her. =Þ And Yap, there's a scientific explanation for that. Apparently, that happens when your brain is partially awake but your nerves haven't been stimulated yet. :o) (Don't ask me where I got all these info)

Back to the story. Some history about this little girl. As I don't really believe in spirits, I'll just say that she's a fictional character made up by my brain with some help from my previous maid and the movie The Ring. This little girl is also the source of my brief period of paranoia a couple years back, when I was convinced my house was haunted. I couldn't sleep at night because I heard her whispering and someone breathing next to me. Scary huh? The thing is, those weren't dreams. I was completely awake when I experienced those things. I could probably say that was the scariest time of my life. I'd practically pee in my pants when I hear something behind me and couldn't find the cause of it. (Hey I was 12 then, ok?)

ANYWAY, I've found scientific explanations for all those things. The whisperings in my ear and the girl from the corner of my eye was my overactive imagination stimulated by fear. The roaring and breathing in my ear was the sudden rush my blood to head, also stimulated by fear. As for the bumps and creaks at night? That would be the wooden furniture contracting. Since then I haven't been afraid anymore. You could say science saved me from having a mental breakdown. Then you would understand why I have so little faith in anything spiritual and believe a lot in science.

I DO believe in God, though I don't believe in religion. Freethinker, as people say. Not an atheist, as many people tend to confuse that with a freethinker. But as science progresses, you can find so many more explanations to the miracles in life, which is just...sad. Nothing is as interesting anymore. Give or take a couple more decades, and science can probably take away (explain) the miracles in life. Depressing.

But it's still disturbing to think that the little girl is back. I'm still scared shitless of her, I'll admit. I don't know why, but she just freaks me out. Maybe I'll just use what little faith I have and believe that she won't disturb me anymore.

Or maybe I'll just put it down to long-term supressed trauma and check myself into a mental institute.